OPAN’s National Older Persons Reference Group meeting 2024
Loneliness is as bad for a person’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. It also increases the risk of a range of conditions, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes and dementia.
So, it’s important to stay connected. But that can become more challenging as we age because our mobility decreases and friends and family move away.
‘This is something I hadn’t anticipated, but you have to be ready to pivot frequently, as an older person,’ says OPAN National Older Persons Reference Group member Judith Covell, ‘because your friends die, or they re-partner, or they move closer to family, to support their own care’.
We asked Judith and fellow reference group members Alan Gravolin and Charles Linsell to share their tips on maintaining social connections and enjoying time alone.
Prevention is better than cure
Charles
It’s more difficult to be lonely and to have to change that profile and reach out than it is if you maintain the connections you have from before you are old. I make sure I go out regularly with a few groups of people that are disparate from the other groups I know. I go to lunch every 6 weeks or so with 2 guys who were both friends from work and our rule is we take public transport, because it’s $2.50 all day, and we travel somewhere different each time. I also meet up for lunch with people I went to school with on the Central Coast every 3 months or so.
Take risks
Judith
When my husband, Ron, died, I had lost touch with my friends because of my work and carer responsibilities. If somebody asked me to do something, I said ‘yes’. And then I of course I got to a point where I was far too busy. I decided to shrink that down to what was really important to me. I became much more discerning. Now I often choose to be at home in my garden, with my dog. But it got me out there and it got me into the social network of my little community, which is great, because I know lots of people.
Take advantage of organised support
Alan
My late wife Lyn lived with dementia. She attended a day service near where we lived. Every Thursday morning, staff would support her on a bushwalk, which is something she loved. That was important for me as Lyn’s carer, but it also extended her social circle.
Talk to strangers
Judith
Historically, older people have had a very important place in our society in being available to yarn – sharing knowledge and wisdom with all sorts of people. And so I tend to have conversations with total strangers a lot. Because I’ve been a counsellor for so many years, I’m quite good at listening. It’s nice. It feels like a more honest connection than some of the organised activities on offer.
Reach out to your neighbours
Alan
If my neighbour on one side hasn’t seen me for a day or 2, she calls to see if I am all right. My neighbour on the other side is a carer, so I try to support him where I can. This morning, while I was out walking, I bumped into a lady who has lived in our neighbourhood for more than 40 years. She talked to me about her concerns for her granddaughter. It’s important to have someone to talk to.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for something you believe in
Alan
In 2016, my network extended considerably because I had to have a fight with the NSW Trustee and Guardian through the NSW Civil and Administrative Tribunal (NCAT). I won that one easy and it was a lot of fun, I can tell you. I met about 20 people through that who were in a similar boat. We don’t meet up regularly. These things tend to have a time limit. When the battle is over, that’s it. But in politics generally, the battle is never over.
Get a four-legged friend
Judith
Dogs just attract people. Before you know it, they are telling you their stories. For older women, in particular, there is also a fear of being assaulted. They wind up locking themselves inside. I know of 4 women who see nobody each week apart from their support worker. I would not live in the community without a dog because that dog tells me when someone is around.
Write it down
Alan
I am still using the system I learnt at management college, only now I am just managing myself. Every Saturday morning, I go through my diary to see what I have coming up and put that in my weekly plan. When I get up in the morning, I can see what ought to be dealt with. Is there anything I can tick off? I can see I haven’t paid my subscription to the Men’s Shed, so I have to do that . My daughter wants me to take the leaf blower to her house and clean up a bit. I’m doing the Christmas cooking. I’ve done 5 Christmas cakes, so I have just got the Christmas pudding left. The battery in one of my smoke alarms needs changing and then I’m catching up with a chap I grew up with on Friday. I haven’t seen him in 2 or 3 years.
Join a group
Judith, Charles
Judith: Being a member of OPAN’s National Older Persons Reference Group has really made a difference to my life, because I feel like I am still contributing something useful, that I am seen as somebody with something important to say.
Charles: I like meeting with all the reference group members, too. I’m also a member of the Labor Party – that’s been going on for decades. I am so well known around here even the Libs say hello.
Think ahead
Judith
I’ve just managed to buy a mobility scooter through my Home Care Package. It took me 2 years to save for it. I haven’t taken it out yet, but I know it’s there. I don’t want to wait until I can’t drive to learn the skills of how I negotiate as an older person in this space, so this is my training period.
Be prepared to do things differently
Alan
When I was in my early 50s, I built a lot of furniture. Nowadays, I’m not prepared to turn on a drill because I have still got 10 fingers and I want to keep it that way. I’m still involved in the local Men’s Shed, though, sorting out materials that have been donated and doing that sort of thing.
It’s ok to move on
Judith
I had 2 very close girlfriends who died after Ron. I didn’t have anybody to share that level of intimacy with for a while, and that was tough. I think the lesson I learned was that you just somehow have to pick yourself up and just say, OK. I’m really grateful that I had that relationship with that person. It’s no longer there. I need to use that as a base on which to develop new relationships and to look for people with similar interests.’.
The Aged Care Volunteer Visitors Scheme (ACVVS) matches volunteers to people living independently at home or in residential aged care based on shared interests. To request or become a volunteer, visit our webpage. >
